Petunia rambles on and on….

My bank offers BillPay service, but I continued with the old tried-and-true method that I’d used since sand was still big rocks my first checking account, right out of school.  With paper checks and paper registers to keep the records.   And it’s worked for me, and I’ve stayed on top of things and bills got paid on time.  “Please remit with your payment” always got done.

No problem.

Not sure why I thought that our bank charged for it’s BillPay.  Maybe, uh, because they did?  Maybe because I got the story wrong?  Anyway, whether they did or didn’t back then, they DO NOT CHARGE now.  As long as I thought they charged for it, I wasn’t interested.  Thanks.  One of my co-workers said it’s great, Daughter uses it, says it’s great.   So finally, after much foot-dragging, I sign up.  This, of itself, should have been a warning.  I am usually freaking about having to have the newest techie, geekie crap that I don’t need, or learning some new software or procedure or process seemingly just to turn my hair white faster.

So I pay my bills online AND IT’S GREAT!!  Yes, sir, they were right, it’s wonderful.  I use it in conjunction with Quicken, which shows my “current” balance, and the payments that are scheduled to go out, and the balance dropping as they leave, and new deposits/pay checks, and I’m all into this, because I can set it up when the bills first arrive in the mail and then FORGET ABOUT THEM!  Don’t have to remember to find the stamps (or buy the stamps as much, anymore) or put the envelopes in my purse, or stop at the mailbox – or worry that a husband silly person might, for unknown reasons, put a month’s worth of bills to be mailed under the passenger seat in their truck and ride around with them for a month or two.  No worries.  I just point and click and key, and like magic, it’s all taken care of by elves.

Pop stayed in the hospital for a few days back in December, thinking it was reasonable to expect to be able to breathe every day, not just a few hours or days each month.  (What nerve??!!)  Word to the wise:  A SINGLE hospital stay does not result in a SINGLE bill.  Apparently, every entity imaginable sends out a separate bill. The insurance company has forwarded their pittances payments and we are left with balances from several different care providers.  Still, this is workable, and I told Pop I would divide up the amounts owed, make a few payments and all would be well in 2-3 months.  Not to worry. 

And I keyed the info about these health-care providers into the BillPay and sent out the first round of payments.  Easy!  I like-y this!  But apparently, these additional bills, although clearly do-able, tipped some balance in my brain, and I became, well, unbalanced.

In the old days, the old paper days, you took the paper that said, “Pay this amount” and put it in the envelope and carried it all out.   Out of your house; out of your life.  With the new Magic Method, it is possible to, say, leave the paperwork on top of your desk.   And then, put a book about spinning on it.  And then, a week or more later, after a holiday, and all that nonsense with the storage locker, and the damn roof leaking again, it is just possible to pick up the book and (re)discover the paper that says Pay $90 to So-and-So, Inc.  And then Freak and send them another payment.   Click.  Really, anyone could have done it.  This comes, in part, from not having your head attached correctly to begin with.  So I go blissfully along, accepting that I messed up but promptly made good on it.  OK, I can live with that.  And then next month I’ll only owe them less than $75 and they’ll be paid in full.

Heh.   So I got a letter from these good folks the other day, and inside is an odd-looking check returned to me.  The accompanying letter nicely stated something to the effect of – Dumb ass, you only owed us $165 to begin with.  Why would you send us $90 twice?  Can’t you do basic arithmetic?   They returned the BillPay check to me, with VOID written across the front.

In the old paper world, we’d have just torn up our check, added $90 back into our figures, maybe written a cryptic note, “Adj re Ck # 2211” into our check register and lived to screw up again.  Not anymore.  With these BillPay services, the amount of the check is automatically deducted from your account on the date you stipulate and transfered to the check-issueing company.  Whether or not the check is ever received, or ever cashed, or even if it is returned to the payor, ahem, it’s still sucked out of the originating checking account.  So….    I have to call my bank and tell them what I’ve done, and after I admit how stupid I’ve been, they transfer me to the “Stupid Customer” department, and I go through the story again.  “Hold, please, while I transfer you to the “Stupid People with Checking Accounts” department, then “Stupid People who think they can use BillPay” department, finally to the “Stupid Customers that deal with Stupid Businesses” because it seems that, had this all not been so completely fucked up to start with, it was made worse by the Payee writing VOID on the damn check!!!

In the old days, we all did that, to indicate that the check wasn’t cashed and NO attempt would or could be made to do so.  Not so anymore.  Had the check been returned to me clean, I could have just taken it over to my bank, admitted my silliness to one person, and then deposited the amount back into my own account.  Done.  Leave.  Go to lunch.  Take your dignity with you.

Instead, I’ve had to admit I’ve got the brain of a natural sponge to seemingly hundreds of people, and still don’t have my 90 bucks back.  They are trying.  For days now. 

Once again, I’ve paid money to find out just exactly how dumb I am.  

But until I do, I expect that I’ll continue to drive with the radio a bit loud.  I’ve been doing this for better than 40 years now, and unlikely to change much from here on out.  It’s not so loud that pedestrians are deafened.  In fact, as far as I know, my hearing hasn’t been impacted by all this loudness over all these many years.  (And with my job, I’d know!)  Also, I do not have the bass turned up so loud that people are aware that I’m arriving 6 blocks before I pull into view, and I do not cause the vehicle to vibrate.

In the course of things that I had to do today, I had to drive out onto the military base at Dover, and, as usual, had the radio screaming loud turned up a tad.   Because I truly believe that just everybody drives this way, I often forget to turn down the volume until I’m just about at the guard at the gate.  Ooops, quick, turn in down!!

I hope maybe this young troop was too young.

In any case, it probably isn’t in the best of good sense to approach the Main Gate of a military base singing along to the music of Eric Clapton.  Loud.  Cocaine.

Stupid.

The “stuff” got moved!!  Yay!!!!    It went so well I recommend that everyone periodically take everything they value, shake it all about, drop it a few times, rent a truck and drive it all about town, then put it back in a different order.  Pop seems to feel that there may not be a Christmas tree this December but we may have some of the ornaments, and he thinks the 3 big stars that we put outside are “near the surface.”  He fears the rest is 15 feet back and would require emptying at least a path to get all the way back there, then moving a lot of shit.  He might be talked into something like that in warm weather but I doubt it’s going to happen in winter.  Far easier solution is to buy a natural tree for use at the end of the year.  More fun will ensue, though, when/if Kate needs her stuff out. 

I am still on a massive campaign here to throw things out, much of it either paperwork or clothing.  I am using a much more critical eye, while looking at everything I’m asking myself, When was the last time I wore that?  Will it ever fit me again? Would I look like a horse’s ass if I put it on and wore it outside the house?  Often the answer is such that out it goes.

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Went to the hairdresser’s on Saturday, for several hours of quiet ministrations in the rediculous hope that the Hands of Time can be reversed slowed.  I had no appointment, and when I got there I found that she couldn’t take me for an hour or so.  The establishment is very near the MALL!   Oh, Damn!   Went in to Boscov’s and found that they were having big sales in Housewares, and I had to walk through the bedding department.  Stopped to look at sheets.  They had 400-ct Percale sheets, queen size, for a third of what they usually are!   Sheets are an issue here, as we have a waterbed.  Any sheet so designated has it’s price immediately doubled.  Or tripled.  If you can even find them.  When we bought the bed about 5 years ago, we got a set of sheets with it, and purchased a spare set.  They are crap.  Cheap-ass material feels like sandpaper.    I didn’t go out looking for sheets yesterday, but bought a set at that price!

So today, I stripped the bed down, washed everything from “skin” out, (even washed the “skin,” the surface of the waterbed) put these gorgeous new sheets on the bed, and they felt so nice and silky-smooth, I went back to the store and bought another set.  Then I threw out the crap we’ve been using!!!!  This wasn’t exactly a “space-saving” effort, to reduce clutter, but still ………..  Those new sheets felt so luxurious – even Pop noticed.

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I also went carousing around some on Saturday, just because the sun was shining.  As usual, I headed towards water.  Relaxing for me.  De-stressing.

This stuff used to grow all over, where I was raised, back then.  Now, everything that was open is either housing developments or strip malls.  What a shame.  Us kids used to play in stuff like this, run through it.  And, damn, it can be sharp as razors.  I can remember getting cut to ribbons.  And half the time, we were running barefoot!

This pier juts out into the Delaware Bay.  I don’t know if it’s even used anymore.  At least, in all the times I’ve been out here, I’ve seen no activity.  This road is very low, near to water level, and you need to know something about tides and know to watch the damn water levels before you come out here.  The road floods out twice a day, and idiots people who are unaware of tidal conditions can and do get stranded.  For me, this time of year, it’s a nice place to sit and drink a soda.

What a beautiful time of year, when the trees put on this free show.  Picks up your spirits enough to face another week!